Jealousy in Relationships
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 9, 2010
Everybody suffers from a degree of jealousy in their relationship; jealousy of financial sucess, jealousy of popularity, jealousy of looks and style, jealousy of intelligence and jealousy of sexual attention. In this sense it is like any other relationship you have, you will have friends and family members who you feel are more successful in some way than yourself, and regardless of how much you love them, there will be a little guilty twinge of jealousy.
The problem is when it comes to your choice of lover, the jealousy that can start as a niggling little twinge you push aside can be become a toxic termite eating away at your self esteem, and once your self esteem drops you lose faith in your relationship and stop trusting your partner.
So how do you avoid jealousy?
The most common jealousy in a sexual relationship is the attention your partner receives from others, whether it’s passing nods of approval from lustful onlookers, or more full on attempts at seduction from predators, it can be hard to swallow.
If your partner has a more colourful sexual past than you, then you can start to worry that you are not living up to their expectations… why wouldn’t they run off with that incredibly good looking girl or guy from their office, or that bartender who always gives them a free drink, or even that onlooker in the corner who smiles at them every time they walk past…
Who is that person on their Facebook who keeps leaving flirty little ;o)’s after their comments? Are they sending them private emails too? Have they slept together?
You can truly start to spiral if you let yourself. Most of the problems of jealousy come from your own insecurity, if you truly believed you were “worthy” of your partner and were keeping them satisfied then you wouldn’t feel threatened. Their ex could come right up to them and offer their bodies up with no strings attached and you could feel certain they would turn it down.
The best thing to do in this case is think about yourself…
There’s no doubt somebody very good looking in your office too… whilst you might have an admiring glance now and again and possibly a harmless little flirt over the water cooler, would you ever do anything if the chance arose? If the answer is yes then you probably shouldn’t be in the relationship anyway so why worry, but if no then why should your partner? You’d probably be furious if you saw them casting an admiring glance over the office totty, but you do it all the time whilst knowing it’s innocent.
Even if it’s not the bartender, there will be someone in your life who goes out of their way to do something nice for you? Perhaps someone who always holds the door for you, stops the lift until you get there, makes the bus driver wait, lets you cut in front of them… the smallest thing can mean admiration and you might not even realise it. If you do realise it then you’re probably very flattered and enjoy the attention. No doubt your partner is flattered and enjoys the attention too, but just as you’re not about to run off neither are they.
Attention from onlookers can be a big boost to the self esteem, and as previously mentioned, self esteem issues are the root cause of most jealousy problems, so if you feel better about yourself whilt remaining entirely faithful, surely this is only a good thing?
If you want to know who someone on their Facebook is then ask them, just as you would ask for someone of the same gender you didn’t know who they were chatting too. If you feel shifty then ask who a couple of people are and include the one you’re suspicious of in the mix. You’ll probably find their reaction is an innocent “Old friend from school I’ve not seen in a few years, he’s just got engaged isn’t that nice?” or “My mate’s girlfriend, we’re thinking of arranging a surprise birthday party for him” Of course, if the reaction is more “Why are you asking, what’s your problem?” then you might have reason to worry. Openess and honesty is the important thing, if you lover responds in a way that implies there’s nothing to hide or worry about then there probably is nothing to hide or worry about!
Ultimately jealousy is a bad thing. You need to quash it. Not to the point where you stop caring if someone starts feeling them up, but enough to trust them when they go out alone with their mates.
That said… trusting them and easing up on the jealousy is only a good idea if you’re in a trusting and loving relationship… if you’re feeling incredibly suspicious that something is going on then you may need to do some better investigating.
Is it because you’re feeling insecure and need to work on your own issues, or are they truly screwing around on you?
If you feel incredibly suspicious of them then you may find it’s not the relationship for you, regardless of if they’re cheating. If they do nothing to boost your self esteem, don’t ever make you feel good and secure in your relationship, then regardless of if they actually are cheating, then you have a problem. You need someone who makes your feel safe and happy.
You may have always felt safe and secure before, but recently you’ve had a niggling doubt. Maybe they’re staying late at the office suddenly, or taking their phone out of the room to answer it? Possibly jumping in the shower as soon as they get home without stopping to say hello to you properly? Maybe hiding credit card statements or closing their computer screen when you walk in the room? All of these things could be entirely innocent but understandably would cause suspicions… especially if it’s new behaviour.
If it’s ongoing old behaviour then perhaps you should start noticing it now.
My best advice based on personal experience is to ask. Don’t ask in an accusatory tone that would warrant a backlash, but purely mention it casually. If they react by getting aggressive or as though you have been very accusing then it may be worth worrying about. If they answer in an equally casual tone, or perhaps haven’t realised the change in behaviour then it’s less likely you need to worry.
I don’t want to guarantee that any of these responses means guilt or innocence, and still maintain that if you’re really really suspicious and feeling insecure and horrible about your relationship, then it is not the relationship for you. Find someone who makes you feel happy and secure and you should find these jealousy problems disappear.
However, there is the occasional few who have major jealousy issues that have nothing to do with their partners behaviour. I will only give a brief section to these people as they can make their entirely innocent partners feel horrible. If you know you’re innocent, but your partner is constantly accusing you, if you have tried constantly to make them feel good and never do anything that could be seen as suspicious, but get accused of wrong doings simply by chatting to the person who sold you a pint of milk in the supermarket, or are being stopped from going out alone, then the problem is your partner. Get out, because that’s their own issues and it’s very doubtful that you can change them or ever make them happy.
What Vibrator Suits You?
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 3, 2010
- In: sex | Sex Toys | Shopping
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Vibrators are still the most popular sex toy for women, and now men, on the market. Once seen as purely a phallus replacement for the desperate and alone, the proud captains of engineering in the sex toy industry have moved the designs forward, and the ownership of sex toys has become standard. In many cases, rather than used by a woman desperately missing a man from her life, they’re preferred as a demonstration that a woman can have a happy and successful sex life without relying on a man to provide it.
In this article I will explore some of the different kinds of vibrators on the market, from the traditional, to the popular, to the very unusual! If you’re unsure what to have for your first vibrator, or are looking to expand your collection, then read up so you can make an informed decision!
THE RABBIT
Made famous on Sex And The City, the Rabbit Vibrator is still the highest selling vibrator style on the market, and therefore seemed the logical place to start.
The design is simple, but effective. The shaft is designed to provide the penetrative stimulation that you get from the penis, and most designs now have a rotating shaft, often with little beads inside that push out and tickle through the smooth jelly coating. This makes it a much more effective version of the penis, rather than just going in and out, it will push at the walls of the vagina where you will find most of the pleasure comes from.
However, this shaft is fairly typical of vibrators in general, the magic comes from the little bunny rabbit on the side. A lot of women feel like there is something wrong with them if they can’t reach orgasm through penetrative sex, but there isn’t. The clitoris is an incredibly sensitive bundle of nerves that is every woman’s magic gift. Whilst the penetration can feel nice, the clitoris is where the magic happens. The bunny’s ears sit either side and vibrate, causing intense clitoral orgasms. It is best to start with the vibrations at a low setting and use a little lubricant, either your own natural lubrication or from a bottle it doesn’t matter, and as the intensity builds turn the speed up.
One of the reasons for the popularity of the vibrator is that for sex toy newbies it doesn’t look too outrageous as it still has the penis shape that we’re used to, and the bunny is very unthreatening. Most are available in pretty and feminine colours so for the nervous buyer it doesn’t look frightening or kinky. This is a great place to start!
CLIT STIMULATORS
These little gadgets are, in my humble opinion, pretty damn genius!
They come in a variety of styles, including shaped like the rabbit section of your favourite rabbit vibrator, and (such as above) little pads you slip over your finger.
The reason I believe them to be such a clever idea is that they have a variety of uses.
For your own personal satisfaction they’re a neat and tidy way of reaching a convenient orgasm. As nothing has to go inside you don’t even have to take your knickers off, just slip it down the front and let it vibrate your clitoris into an intense orgasm. They don’t take up a lot of room, so you can keep it in a drawer or bag, knowing that if it’s accidentally discovered it doesn’t necassarily look like something embarassing and could just be glossed over.
The other benefit of these little guys is that they’re not threatening to men. Whereas the often unrealistically large shaft of traditional vibrators can make men feel inadequate, these innocent little tools are small and unthreatening, and don’t replace his favourite organ.
As mentioned above, many women can’t achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Try using this little guy next time you’re having sex with your partner. As well as giving you a fabulous clitoral orgasm, he may well be able to feel the vibrations whilst inside you which will give him an unexpected thrill too!
If you sometimes find sex a bit boring, don’t be ashamed because once the thrill of it being new has gone, some women find it a bit of a chore because it just doesn’t provide the pleasure they get from their vibrator. A little clit stimulating vibrator can relaunch your sex life, he gets the sex he so desperately longs for, and you get the orgasms as well as the intamacy and pleasures of sex. You could find it brings you closer together as you reconnect on a physical level in a way that’s very satisfying for both of you.
REALISTIC VIBRATORS
A lot of women find the pleasure of sex comes from the feel of a penis, the shape, the veins, and the look. The good thing about the realistic looking vibrators is that they don’t make a mess, they don’t go soft when you haven’t climaxed yet, they’re available whenever you want them, and they don’t nag for sex when you’re not in the mood. It’s all the benefits of a real penis with none of the bad points!
MINI VIBRATORS
Mini vibrators are often seen as the best for travelling, or if you’re just not interested in the giant monsters that are so often seen on the market.
Slip one of these little toys in your luggage when you go on holiday and it won’t take up a lot of space but it will give you some fun whilst you’re there! Whether you use them internally or on the clitoris, they’re neat and compact, easy to transport, and mostly very innocent looking! If it’s noticed then it’s just for your shoulder or neck pain.
GIANT VIBRATORS
The exact opposite of the previous toy, Giant Vibrators are all over 10 inches. Some people just need a bit more to satisfy them!
These are often preferred by people who are very experienced in sexual activity, or have particularly large or stretchy vaginas. They’re not for inexperienced users or if you find a standard size fills you up, but if you always find yourself needing more then it might be time to go giant!
The giant vibrators are also popular for ladies who enjoy SnM. The pain of stretching one in can also provide intense pleasure.
THE CONE
The Cone is one of the latest revolutionary designs that takes us entirely away from what you usually assosciate with vibrator design. It doesn’t follow the norm when it comes to shape, but don’t be fooled, the hands-free design will leave you more than satisfied.
The innovative shape hits all the spots and the funky, contemporary style means it doesn’t need to be hidden away in the bedroom drawer. Enjoy waves of pleasure with 16 automated programmes including an orgasm button for the less patient. Great fun to use on your own or even more fun for two.
This toy is perfect for you if you’re sick of the usual designs and are loking to try out something new! It’s increasing in popularity as people start to realise that it’s okay to step away from what you’re used to and try something new! It stimulates internally and the clitoris but in an entirely new way.
ICE VIBRATORS
Ever felt so damn hot you need to cool down? Then you’ll love this, the world’s first vibrating ice massager. Seduce your partner this diamond of ice and have them melt into lust.
It has a user friendly grip made of the best medical grade silicone which makes it easy to use in every position. Just fill it with water pop it in the freezer until it is frozen and it’s ready to use.
It’s thrilling icy touch will bring you sensations you’ve never experienced before.
It’s a new idea, it might scare you at first, but playing with ice cubes has been something popular for a long time mixing the heat of sexual passion with the cold of the ice cubes. This takes that to a new level where the ice cubes work independently to pleasure you as well!
NOVELTY VIBRATORS
There are some very fun and sexy vibrators on the market, including the I Rub My Duckie shown above, which are fun and cute as well as satisfying you in the same way as normal vibrators!
Whilst they may not be something you’d ordinarily buy for yourself, it would be worth considering something a bit different. If you’re bored of the toys you’ve got, feel like you need something unique to have fun with, then the variety of sex toys that look nothing like you would expect is fantastic!
You can find them to stimulate internally or stimulate the clitoris, many of them are waterproof, so regardless of what your preference is for stimulation you can find something fun and novelty to do it! They’re also fantastic gifts. Sexy and fun, but also cheeky.
EGGS AND BULLETS
These bullets and eggs are inserted full into the vagina, and then controlled by remote to vibrate at different speeds. They’re perfect for orgasms on the run… as it were.
Depending on the model you choose, you will find the remote controls can work up to 20 feet away, meaning they’re perfect for foreplay on a night out. Give the remote control to your partner and let him or her control what’s happening. Leave it still for a while and suddenly give you some major vibrations! The effect can be quite intense and very fun.
These are a fun way of breaking your partner into the idea of using sex toys together too. If he has previously been threatened by the idea of a toy giving you pleasures that only he is supposed to give you, then letting him have control will make him more comfortable with it. He will also enjoy seeing your face as you reach climax in the middle of a restaurant or supermarket!
This was just a brief summary of a small variety of the vibrator types that are available, and there truly is something for everyone out there! If you’re nervous about trying something like this then just try it once. Select something small and innocent looking, something that won’t scare you when you pull it out of the box. You may find you give yourself a whole new level to your sex life!
What’s Your Fetish?
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 2, 2010
For everything out there there’s a fetish that gets off on it, from innocent fluffy handcuffs to the less innocent fluffy sheep and everything in between.
In this article we shall explore some of the more popular fetishes, and a couple of slightly less common ones!
SCHOOL GIRLS
A lot of people find this very popular fetish a little disturbing as the paedo-panic reaches an all time high, leading fans to feel a great sense of guilt… but should they?
Obviously if you’re scouring the streets for ACTUAL school girls then yes you should feel very guilty (unless of course you’re an actual school boy in which case carry on…) However, if you’re searching the streets for grown women parading around in naughty school girl costumes on nights out, twirling their pigtails and sucking on lollypops suggestively then you have nothing to be ashamed of.
There is a lot of reasons for a school girl fetish. It has base routes in domination and submission. The naughty school girl in under the control of her school teacher, if he puts her in detention then she shows up. In times gone by, if he wanted to cane her then she bent over to take it. There is a lot of sexual fantasy built around domination and submission, and if the idea of your girlfriend or wife over your knee in a tartan kilt and frilly knickers whilst you spank her for being so naughty gets your juices flowing, then it’s less about the tartan kilt and more about the spanking.
So why do you need the uniform? Partly because you shouldn’t. You’re not allowed to fancy those school girls who look deceptively mature whilst still wearing their school tie and knee socks. So of course, once you’re not allowed to do something it becomes forbidden fruit. Forbidden fruit is everso much more desirable then apples off the shelf in tesco. Whilst having little or no urge to actually taste the fruit coming out of the school yard, you can make that fruit much more accessible and still incredibly arousing by having it on the grown woman in your life. You get all the exciting feelings for “naughty” and “wrong” whilst still getting the go ahead!
And finally… those uniforms (especially the ones available on www.erogenous-zone.co.uk/schoolgirlzone.html) are VERY sexy anyway! Little skirts, frilly knickers, revealing tops, regardless of the material, those garments show off your figure and all those naughty places in a very sexy way!
HANDCUFFS
Whether you like the fluffy kind shown above, or something a bit more hardcore, the appeal of handcuffs, stocks, bondage tape etc is back to domination and submission. Giving up power to your lover is incredibly seductive.
There’s the old saying that what you hate in life, you love in the bedroom. In the case of women we are gradually becoming more and more independent, more confident and more likely to loathe the idea of having our power taken away, especially by men. But put us on bedsheets behind closed doors and suddenly we’re gagging to be thrown down onto the sheets, tied up and ravaged like a wench being ravaged by an angry viking.
Could it be that we secretly long for the days where we were the meek and mild woman at home? Probably not, but there’s certainly an appeal to getting that balance from our work life where we dominate and are powerful, to the home life where we let our man ravage us with nothing we can do about it (bar a pre agreed upon safety word)
You powerful men in high pressured careers who let absolutely nobody take advantage of them in the office or during after work drinks will get off on having their partner handcuff them and do the same.
Life is all about yin and yang. If you’re high pressured and powerful in one area, you want to relinquish that for the relief of submission elsewhere.
It also leads us on to….
WHIPS
If you get off on handcuffs and restraints in general then you most likely will see the appeal of whips and paddles.
It may well not be something as ferocious as the above, perhaps a soft paddle or slightly smaller whip, but the point is, it is letting your partner take control over you.
Whether you’re enjoying some gentle play, or going for the more heavy strikes, it is very rare that both of you will be whipping at the same time, even if you both enjoy the feeling. Someone takes the dominant, whipper, role, and the other takes the submissive, whipee, role.
This also brings us to the pleasure of pain. The fundamental principles of SnM are pleasure and pain. A little pain causes the opposite pleasure. For some this can be extreme going as far as drawing blood and causing actual physical harm, but for most a little spank on the bum or some gentle nipple biting can be incredibly pleasing. Many women find having their gently pulled very erotic. If you try it during the normal day you will no doubt get a punch, but if you do it during the passionate heat of sex, it has the desired effect.
LATEX
Latex and rubber are popular materials used in kinky lingerie and clothing. The tight, figure hugging, glistening material shines like water and binds the body. It feels wonderful both for the wearer and for any hands rubbing over it across their body.
A dress like the above has a similar effect to restraints as it restricts movement.
When men or women combine a latex outfit with a whip they look intimidating and kinky and very dominant, or if you put them in something restrictive and handcuff them they are incredibly submissive and controlled.
Other popular materials for such clothing are leather, it’s tough and strong, and for this reason is usually for domination wear, but submission toys. You can look incredibly threatening and hardcore in the right leather or latex clothing!
A lot of people find the hardcore scene associated with latex a little too intense and you can see on the streets material with a similar glistening and binding effect but more accessible to the fetish shy.
MASTURBATION
Watching a woman pleasure herself is a popular internet porn search, and hearing it over the phone is something many sex lines promise! It is also a popular fantasy for a woman to touch herself and rub her clitoris during sexual intercourse. A toy like the above is perfect for this as it slips over the finger and vibrates causing intense clitorial orgasms as well as the penetrative pleasure.
So why do so many men enjoy this?
Men are well known to be very visual animals, they like to watch everything from your boobs bouncing around when you’re on top to your face contorting in pleasure when you climax. The addition of you touching yourself is more to watch.
Men masturbate. A lot. This is because many people think men need sex more than women and have a far higher sex drive, for a man to see you touching yourself suggests that you do it on your own too (preferably whilst fantasizing about him naked) and therefore you also have a high sex drive and need sex a lot (again… preferably with him)
If you’re comfortable enough to touch yourself during sex then that means you’re relaxed and trusting of him, perhaps meaning you’re open to exploring new things, perhaps meaning you would be open to suggestion of some of the fetishes previously explored!
Of course, most of these things are entirely subliminal and the main reason is that they get to watch you doing something naughty, but the other reasons are bubbling around under the surface.
There are as many fetishes out there as you can imagine and more, so please tell us yours and why!
Valentines Day Gifts – Avoid Disaster
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 1, 2010
- In: Advice | Relationships | Shopping
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Valentines Day is a veritable minefield of potential disasters.
If you’ve been going out just a couple of days or weeks do you get a gift? If you do, do you get something meaningful and sweet which could potentially look too smothering, or something cheeky and sexy which could be interpretted as you’re only in this for sex? How much money do you spend? If one of you spends an obviously greater amount then who feels more stupid, the spender or the spendee?
Equally so if you’re in a long term committed relationship, do you get something romantic to bring the passion back into a perhaps dwindling sex life, or do you go for a fun novelty to have some fun?
The problem is whatever you get could be interpretted wrongly if your relationship isn’t in the right place. If you’re both feeling happy and secure then basically whichever way you’re going with your idea will be a success. A sexy gift will result in sex, a romantic gift will result in an emotion filled smooch of gratitude, and something personal will be appreciated for showing you know them.
However, Valentines Day not only tortures the single, but if you’re in a slightly rocky situation it will shake the cracks into fissures. The sight of all the happy couples, and the sound of the love songs filled with saccarine sentiment and unrealistic scenarios will make you feel like you’re a failure in love, or your partner doesn’t live up to these unrealistic expectations we are forced to believe in.
The best I can say is play it by ear. If you know your partner is passionate about something, be it a music group, a film, a kind of car or whatever, then don’t feel you need to be limited to teddybears with sickly sweet messages destined to be found years later shoved in the back of a cupboard, and get them something they will actually appreciate because it will show them you truly care and truly know them, but add some spice. You’re doing something truly meaningful so throw in some naughty knickers, or a pair of fluffy handcuffs. This will have two effects, it will show that as well as being a caring and understanding partner, you’re still a lustfilled lover waiting for some naked yumyum, and that you can have a laugh. It will stop a new relationship from seeming too serious too soon, and will also stop an old relationship from becoming stagnant.
Sexual History – Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 1, 2010
Everybody is guilty of it at some point; judging someone on their sexual history. But whether you ask in a relationship is a difficult subject.
Obviously there are the health issues, it’s important to make sure the person you are sleeping with is healthy, especially if you’re planning a long term relationship with them an plan to stop using barrier forms of contraception. But once you get past that and are both given the A-OK for health, how far should you delve?
There’s the old joke that however people a woman tells you she has been with you should multiply it by three, and whatever a man tells you should be divided by three. The old double standard of stud vs slag rearing it’s ugly head.
I think you ultimately want your partner to be equally as experienced or equally as innocent as you are. That way you’re on a level playing field, and nobody can judge the other for their experiences and experimentation.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out like this. One of you will have the greater number. In my experience both ways basically suck.
Your partner reveals that he or she is a virgin, how do you feel? Especially if you definitely aren’t one? Assuming you don’t have some kinky virgin-seeking fetish and it’s a discovery down the line in your relationship, how do you feel?
In my experience the ultimate feeling is panic, you’re about to become an intrinsic part of thie person’s life. You’re about to launch their sexual history. Regardless of whether you’re planning a long term commitment to this person or not, this is a huge commitment you’re making to their life. The story of how you lost your viriginty, who you lost it to, where it was, what it was like, how it felt…. these are stories told around the campfire for years to come. Regardless of if you never see that person again or whether you can remember your encounter with them in much detail, they will remember it and speak of it and most like dream of it at times.
Do you want to be told before or after? If you’re told before you have all the formerly mentioned panic, but at least you are entering into it with a larger amount of respect. But if you’re told after… at least you were able to relax and enjoy it, but perhaps you will then worry that you didn’t give a performance worthy of a lifetimes worth of recollection.
But then you have the other way around, you’ve had a modest number of partners and discover that you’re number 50 or number 100 for your partner. You will feel a variety of things, most likely a lack of trust in your partner, if they have been through that many sexual partners they can’t have a great deal of respect for the act itself, and possibly get bored very easily and will end it with you after one or two sessions of love making. Also, if they have so much experience will they find your more limited experience to be boring?
I have found that is completely unfair to think these things of your partner, and it does depend from person to person. Some people, men and women, do go through partners at a rate of knots and whittle their bedpost down to a toothpick before the age of 30 and they’re proud of it. Others have a “phase” in their life, they’re young and foolish and they enjoy an overly healthy sex life until they eventually settle down and then consider their love life with you to be as unique and special as you do because it means something rather than just being another hot fling.
So whether you’re the more experienced or the less experienced, issues are going to be raised, and your partner will judge these things of you as well as you judging the opposite of them. So do you tell?
It might be better to just keep schtum. Tell your lover that the past is the past, and what matters is now and how you feel about them. Assuming you’re in a happy and committed relationship, that is all that matters. You may always wonder though, so can you put those feelings behind you?
If you ask you then have to deal with reality, which you may not like. This is the path I have always taken. I make a vow that it doesn’t matter and I won’t ask, but I am a big believer in honesty, and whilst I am not exactly proud of most of my sexual partners, I like to believe that each mistake I make ultimately leads me to the person I am supposed to be with, so if I can look at my past in that logical manner, I should be able to see my lover’s past in the same way.
Doesn’t always work like that.
If you’re going to ask, and going to find out things that possibly make you very uncomfortable, then you’re going to have to be prepared to let it go. If you decide, as you should, that the past is the past, then you have to let it stay there. Look to it, learn from it, but don’t dwell in it. Don’t bring it up in fights. Don’t constatly probe for more information because ultimately you won’t want it, and you certainly wouldn’t appreciate him or her probing to find out sordid details of what you have done before.
Don’t ask, don’t tell certainly seems the easier option. Start fresh and move forward as a couple without his or her history pulling at you reminding you of what they did before. But if you can’t do it and you have to know, then just be prepared that the truth sometimes hurts.
A Parents Guide To Sex Education
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 1, 2010
- In: Advice | Sexuality
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Sex is a difficult subject for many parents to address, yet it shouldn’t be. If you hadn’t had sex you wouldn’t have children to address it with.
One question always comes up and that is when should children be educated about sex?
Some believe as soon as they ask, which can be very young, especially if a child sees their mummy is pregnant and wants to know where babies come from. Others believe that innocence should be protected for as long as possible.
Some believe that once a child hits puberty, it’s time to discuss it as now is the time urges start. Of course, what many parents fail to acknowledge is that the probability is that by this time your child probably knows a warped playground version of what happens and you may be too late.
Others cannot bring themselves to address the issue at all and leave it in the hands of the education system. That is what school is for afterall. Educating.
In this blog I will look at the difficulties, how to talk about it, and my own theories on sex education as a whole.
Firstly, I am a firm believer in not lying to your children. If your five year old asks how the baby got in mummy’s tummy, telling them the stalk put it there may encourage them to stay innocent, but can also lead to mistrust when they ask other important questions later in life, and can also mean when they do get the older children in the playground telling them things they’re unprepared, scared, and more likely to believe whatever creative theory they’re fed.
However, this doesn’t mean you should be going into the “gory details”. They don’t need to know all the details about erections, ejaculation, menstruation. Innocence can be maintained as well as giving them facts. Give them the truth but at their own rate. They will come for more information when they need it.
If your child asks “How did the baby get in mummy’s tummy” when they’re very young a simple “Daddy helped mummy put it in there” should suffice. And gradually add a little more detail each time. Take it slow, put it in very simple langauge.
The older the child the more detail you can go into. But don’t lie! No cabbage patches, no stalks. They’re children, they’re not idiots. If you can lie to them about sex you can lie to them about drugs, alcohol and smoking.
An important issue, I believe, is not making sex a taboo subject. Tell your child it’s dirty and wrong and they mustn’t do it and never to bring it up again is going to be completely counter productive. Remember this is the most natural pleasure the world can offer, and their bodies are going to feel the need to do it even if you tell them not to, and once they discover that actually, this is great fun, they’re going to just go behind your back and do it. More over, they will be doing it without a full comprehensive knowledge of what they’re doing. What the issues are, the potential dangers, and the psychological impact of it.
Children can hit puberty as young as 9, and once this happens they will start growing into adults with adult needs. Explaining the facts, the truth, and how to be safe can lead them to wait until they’re truly adults. Not explaining it can mean they don’t understand and see no consequences. Why should it matter it’s just a bit of fun?
Wouldn’t you rather your child, son or daughter, was 16, in a stable relationship and using protection whilst sexually active, than 13, and risking both infection and unplanned pregnancy? Yes, it may be difficult for you to talk about with them, but that’s the choice you’re effectively making. If they don’t know the details and have it explained by a trusted adult and someone they have faith in, they will make up their own minds. Not always, some will wait. But do you really want to test that out?
Making sure your child can come to you for the truth is very important. If your child has any worries and they come to you, you can give them the facts. If they can’t go to you they can ask their mates in the playground and hear some of the half-baked theories I’ve heard in my time including “Washing yourself out with cola after sex means you can’t get pregnant” and “Having a bath right before and right after sex means you won’t catch an STD”.
If they go to you, their parents and therefore the people who should be most responsible for them, you will be able to explain the absolute facts. Assuming other parents haven’t been so savvy and your childs friends then go to them asking questions, they should be then able to spread the truth. This was always my role when I was young.
Which leads me to the education system. I believe it is very important to ask for detailed information from your childs school about what the sex education they offer is. For instance, I went to a Roman Catholic high school and whilst some teachers were more open to the subject, others were very Catholic about the matter. This meant the sexual information we were given en masse was patchy at best. It was also twisted by religious agenda. (This I hasten to add is my own personal belief, to me regardless of your religion, you MUST be taught the facts. Whether you use them or not is your decision, but if you have them, you can then at least make an informed decision to follow your faith’s teachings or not, rather than not being given the chance.)
Because of this, many of my peers were not as informed about the subject as they needed to be, and mistakes were made. Fortunately, I come from a very englightened family who never made sex a subject that was closed, and I was able to talk knowledgably to people I knew about matters including contraceptives, STDS, menstruation and other issues.
This is the role I want YOUR children to be able to take on. You should want your child to be the one who knows how to be safe and protected. Who understands that having sex for the first time is about more than the physical. Who is able to make the informed decision to not only wait until they’re emotionally mature enough to handle it, but who once they do have sex, does it in a way that will protect them from any negative consequences.
The emotional aspects of sex, as just mentioned, are often ignored. The psychological ramifications of underage sex can be devastating. However, children do not have the emotional maturity nor experience to anticipate this. Explaining to them will prepare them and make them consider it.
Explain to your child that even though it seems like it’s purely about the physical, sex is a connection on a deeper level and can make them feel all sorts of emotions and feelings they’re as of yet unfamiliar with. If they find out they weren’t ready, or they didn’t have love with the person they have sex with, they can come away feeling used, dirty and upset. Say that whilst sex isn’t a bad thing, it’s not wrong or dirty, if you have sex when you’re not ready or with someone who doesn’t love and respect you, you can feel those things about yourself. Explain it’s something you don’t do without care.
Of course, when they grow older and are in their 20s and 30s, they may decide that the love isn’t necassary just the respect is. Respect should be emphasised. Remind your child that if the person they have sex with doesn’t RESPECT them, then they may spread rumours or tell stories to other people. Remind them that sex is incredibly personal and should only be between the two of them, and if they find out that other people have been gossiping about it, then they will be very hurt.
Addressing this issue in language they understand will make it stick. Children hate gossip and rumours being spread about them, yet it happens all the time so they know how bad it feels. Relating how being used for sex feels to how they when they’re gossipped about will give it an emotional anchor to something they have experience of and can therefore start to understand.
I will finish by reminding all parents that if you enjoy sex, your child will enjoy sex. If you don’t trust someone who has lied to you, your children won’t trust someone who has lied to them. If your body gave you desires when you were a teen and you felt the need to have sex, your child will also. Don’t forget your own youth, these feelings your child is having or is going to have are completely natural, it’s just a matter of making it a subject that is understood and safe to talk about. Build a relationship with your child where they feel safe to talk to you, and your child will then be safe in what they go out and do. And remember, ALWAYS BE READY TO LISTEN. If your child needs to talk about a worry, LISTEN and be HONEST. However hard it is for you, in the long term it’s worth it.
Free Give Away Competitions
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 1, 2010
- In: sex | Sex Toys | Shopping
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At www.erogenous-zone.co.uk we want to reward our fans with competitions they can get involved in to win some free prizes!
We have cooked up a number of different ideas for competitions we can run, but if anybody else has ideas for questions or themes then we’d love for you to let us know! Your ideas are important to us, and it’s your feedback and suggestions that help us satisfy our customers. In lots of different ways!
We also are currently debating whether to run competitions weekly or monthly? The general interest in the competitions will affect the frequency of their running. Obviously if they run weekly then more prizes will be up for grabs by more competition entrants!
New ideas are an important part of how we run this company, and we always want you the fans to be involved. Let us know your opinions and suggestions!
Also, the first competition is due to launch at 9am on Monday 18th January 2010 and will close at midnight. The question to answer will be released at 9am and the three best responses will be selected. Those entrants will be announced then contacted to provide their postal address and their prizes will be sent off! It’s that simple.
Remember! Get in touch if you want to have your say in how this works, it’s done for you so make sure you get out of it what you want!
Penis Pumps – What You Need To Know
Posted by: erogenouszone on: February 1, 2010
- In: sex | Sex Toys | Shopping
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At Erogenous-Zone, some of the most frequent questions we get asked regarding our products are “How do penis pumps work?” and “How much bigger will I get?” Penis size is a huge concern for a great number of men, and whilst at Erogenous-Zone it is our belief that most men are worrying without any real need (we’ve seen a lot of them… trust us), we also acknowledge that it’s important for you boys to feel proud of what you’ve got. Just as girls are enlarging their breasts to make themselves feel good, men want to enlarge their dicks for the same reason. So this brings us on to the methods of doing it!
The “Penis Pump” gained some notoriety thanks to Austin Powers, “One book, “Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby”, by Austin Powers.”, they are not a comedy novelty product, for many men they truly work and are nothing to be ashamed of. Although ours aren’t Swedish-made.
Penis pumps are really a very simple process, despite people’s concerns that it will be horribly complicated. They work by forming a vacuum seal around the base of the shaft, which draws blood into the penis. This causes an erection, often a larger one than you will generally be accostomed to due to the large amount of blood flowing in, but not always. As the blood comes in it is pushed to the surface which breaks blood vessels, and in the new space forms new ones. The more frequently that blood is drawn in, the more new blood vessels are formed as more and more blood is able to get in. And that’s how simple it is. More blood can get in, therefore more space is needed, therefore your penis gets bigger.
So that answers how it works… so now to address how much it works? This unfortunately depends from person to person. We have had reports from customers stating that it worked instantly with dramatic results, but we have also had reports that the effects are barely noticable.
The responses to these pumps have been that it will either;
a)Cause immediate results, with an enlarged penis even when flacid
b)Cause gradual results, mostly shown through the enlarged erection size
c)Cause gradual results in both flacid and erect penis size
d)Cause minimal results, can be seen in slightly enlarged erection size
e)Cause no results.
Option e) is the most rare, most customers report at least some increase. The most common response to the penis pump isb) where the erection gradually increases in size, but when flacid it looks the same. This is because the penis gets bigger when the blood rushes in, as when you get a naturally induced erection. So now you have a better understanding of how a penis pump works, and hopefully accept that just as with most stimuli, every person’s body reacts differently, but we truly hope that you will either achieve the desired size increase, or learn to love what you have.
Remember it’s not what you’ve got it’s how you use it!
